ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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