I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
