did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
