so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
