that's an acceptable place to lick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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