Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
