Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
