She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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