I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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