I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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