Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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