Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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