she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
