Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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