i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
