my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
