You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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