Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
