Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
