So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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