she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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