it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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