i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
