You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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