Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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