How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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