I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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