I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
