i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
