I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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