I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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