I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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