I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
