i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
