operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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