Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
