wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
