my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
