I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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