i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
