i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
