Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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