chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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