I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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