Are we in a gay sports bar?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
