just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
