When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you would pick up someone in the library
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They took my balls.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
