Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
