he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she smelled like a LAN party
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
