Dual....:-)
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
