...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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