I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
