wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
