I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
