there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
