my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
