Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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