she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Two words: blizzard sex
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
