I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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