It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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