exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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