the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
