I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
