I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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