just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
